Finally Rising Again!

Hi, Assalamualaikum :)

I was late because the printing shop made me wait for 2 hours to print my board so I ended up not getting a proper place to setup my boards :')

So guys (and  girls), I'm finally doneeeeeeee! Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah! I've never been so happy after my submission because my retail design assignment went sooooo smoothly. God, I wish my life will always be this smooth. :') No words can ever describe how happy I am. I'm really grateful for everyone's support for me; mom, boyfieee (hehe), my roommate, lecturers anddd everyone else. <3

<3

Well, this project wasn't the best, but I sure gave my best for this project. I've never pressured myself so much for assignment. In fact, I never thought that I will ever rise from my greatest fall, heaviest downfall and tears shedding journey. I don't wish for much, just that I wish that I will never fall again and try my best to improve my pace of working. It will be extremely hard, but with all the support and love I have from everyone, Insya Allah, I can do this! Please pray for me. I'm not fighting for only my future, but also the future of my beloved parents and of course, my younger siblings. They meant everything to me, literally.

This was during my second presentation. This is the only most decent photo that I have due to the lighting in my studio and the quality of my camera :(

I really wish I could tell you all the details but I am just too happy for words. But again, to everyone who prayed for me, I thank you so much. I pray that your life will be as smooth as mine too! <3 <3 <3

Heyyo!

Hi, Assalamualaikum :)

So um, yeay I'm back again! Its almost 3PM as I'm writing this, only 3 days left before submission for my retail design project. *yawning. I'm obviously not getting enough sleep and rest. The pressure is realllll! But thanks to my coffee though! Hahahaha. Ayyyy I'm sorry mom. I drink too much coffees this whole week.

Sneak peak of my presentation board; 95% done. xD

Anyway anywhooo, as I'm taking my-kinda-short-break, I suddenly remembered how this semester has been going quite well to me so far. Well, I mean, my design proposal are easily proceeded, I still manage to catch up with everyone else's progress even though I laid back a lot yada yada yada...

I have this thought, why does this semester felt sooo easy? Was it because I actually took my tasks seriously? Was it because I got a good lecturer? I'm not sure. Or...was it because I've been calling my mom frequently?

Could be, right? Well, it actually feels good when I talked to my mom. I never directly told her about my problems, I just told her about my day, or maybe about some sale they're having at the Tesco nearby hahaha. Surprisingly, that was enough to give me calm. Everything went by so easily. But, since I don't actually talk much, I will usually call her few times a week. Ugh, I wish I could call her every day. But it's okay.

My point is, no matter how busy you are, you haveee to call your mom (or text her at least). Ask her about her day, her health, anything!

Ayy, I'm sorry if my post this time are kinda gibberish since I'm typing this half asleep lmao. Guess that's it for today. Abel signing out!

ps: I know there's a lot of grammatical error but I'll fix those later okay? Ciao

A Bit Update

Hi, Assalamualaikum :)

I'm writing again. It feels soooooo good to write again. I really wish I could write short stories again but my writing skills got rusty since I am too busy with my university life.

A little update of my life:
I'm currently still studying Diploma in Interior Design at UiTM Seri Iskandar, Perak. I'm currently on 5th semester but as I told you in my previous post, I'm repeating a few courses due to some problem I had. I got in accident then I was mentally giving up studying yada yada yada... Alhamdulillah after few motivations I got from my lecturer during previous semester, I am now back on track, Insya Allah.

To be honest, I am supposed to be doing my assignment right now but I decided to take a little (look at me lying to myself hehe) rest and release a bit of my pressure I'm having right now. Thus, why I'm writing this post.

Mom would be mad if she find out how much I drink caffeine this whole week.
( I have another can of coffee in the fridge lol)

As I started writing yesterday, I suddenly got this flashback thing going on my mind. I got reminded of how I actually started this blog back when I was 14. Yup, 14. I started this blog by writing some teenage cringe stuffs like lifestyle, studying tips blablabla. Thank god I deleted those old posts of mine. I can't imagine reading my old posts again. Oh god. Also, I started this blog in Malay because at the moment, my English was so bad. I have no confidence to speak English at all since I grew up speaking Malay.

When I was 17, I decided that I'll just gonna post my short stories here but, my laptop was broken then I got into university and I barely had the chance to write again. But I still manage to write few things, I just never had the chance to finish everything.

Well, I am now 21. Phew, am I an adult now? Ah, time sure flies. Growing up sure are tough huh? Bigger responsibilities, bigger decisions to make. I wish I never grow up and be that kid again. Wait, no! Hate to admit it but I hate my childhood. Guess I have no other choice then; be that grown up lady(?)

Hey, I don't ask for much but, pray for me. Pray that I could live my life smoothly (well not so smooth but you know what I mean), find happiness in life and to always stay positive during my good and bad times. I'm not even sure if there's anyone who reads this lame blog of mine but if you read this, I hope all your life businesses are eased and will be granted happiness in life. Love you, Assalamualaikum.

Yours,
Nabilah (Abel)

Love Letter

Hi, assalamualaikum. :)

This is an appreciation letter. <3

It's the time of the semester again. Graduation day. Looking at my seniors, happily wearing their graduation robe and mortarboards, shooting graduation photos, has a really wide smile on their faces and all. It feels good to see such views but, I somehow feel sad.

Having the thought that I'm supposed to be in my last semester but yet, here I am repeating courses. I feel...bad... I feel bad towards my parents who gave me all of them to me. Using every drops of their sweats for my education. Sacrificing family vacation trips for me. But then there's me, stupid, full of disappointment, such a waste.

Ibu, I'm really sorry for being such a disappointment.

Bapak, I'm really sorry for wasting every drop of your sweats trying to financially support me.

I know, I know I should say this directly to you but, the ego inside me won't let me. I'm too embarrassed to actually face you. That's why I'm rarely home. But deep inside, I got homesick a lot. I missed you so much. I miss the time I spent with my fam.


To arwah Opah,

I'm sorry I wasted all of your prayers for me during your living days. All of your efforts, your supports. They meant a  lot to me but without you? I'm nothing. I'm just a weak little human without you. You were my main source of strength but you're gone. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.


To my siblings,

I really have a love-hate relationship with all of you guys. But deep inside, trust me, I love all of you so much. I'm sorry I'm not that dream sister who shows my love 24/7 towards you guys but that's what making it fun. I'm sorry if all of you had to face hardship when our parents gave me most of their money for me. But give me a chance, I will try to give you the best life that I could for you. all of you. I'll try to provide you with better education. I can't promise you but I'll try my best for you.


To everyone else who stayed,

Doesn't matter who you are, my bestfriend, my roommate, university friend or even acquaintance, thank you. Those who helped when I'm at my lowest. those who listens to my every problems, those who always lend a hand when I need it. Thank you. No words can ever describe how thankful I am to even meet you. I know I don't deserve any of you. But thank you.

A Little Something

Hi, assalamualaikum :)

I've decided that I'm not gonna share a short story on this post. But instead, I just wanna share my feelings on this post, I guess?

So yeah, I'm actually in the process of recovering from a heartbreak. My very first heartbreak I think haha! What happened? Well, I broke up exactly 2 months ago. I don't even know how do I describe this feeling. Part of me are sad and another part of me are...happy? Why? It was a toxic relationship. It was always me who were sorry. It was always my fault.

But still, it was a nice short period. Temporarily, I know how it felt to be loved, I know how it felt to tell someone about my day but importantly, I learnt that loyalty isn't a single thing when you don't have the trust. Ah, I'm such a fool. What was I thinking?

He was a really nice person to begin with. I still love his beautiful hazel/green (idk I'm not sure haha) eyes hehe. There was one day when my mom got admitted to the hospital and I told him that I feel bad because I wasn't able to went home due to work. For some reason, he was actually mad at me at the moment (sorry I don't remember why) but still, he comforts me. Ah, good old days huh?

I'm still trying to move on. Pretty sure this is gonna take a long time, but I'll be okay. The fact that we broke up a day after my birthday still leaves me hurt. I swear to god, that was my worst birthday gift ever. Nothing gonna beat that. I'm not sure why but, I wasn't crying that night. I was extremely sad but I just can't cry doesn't matter how much I tried. Perhaps, because I taught myself to be strong that even a heartbreak won't me let me cry. Dumb, huh?

Since then, I learnt that relationship isn't something for me. Hey, I survived 2 years not having a crush to anyone. I should be fine, right? I'm  just gonna focus on my studies for now and just gonna fulfill my responsibility as the eldest child towards my family after I graduate. I'll give my younger siblings better education than what I had. I'll give the best life towards my parents. Towards my family. Marriage is no longer in my goals. I don't even care if I'll end up dying alone because I don't even wanna live in the first place.

Hey J, if you're reading this. I just want you to know that, I really appreciate our time together even though we never actually met. ( I still feel really dumb for getting excited believing that you will actually come to see me). You are one of the best and the worst thing that ever happened in my life. Me being me, even though you hurt me, I won't be hoping that you'll feel the pain that I'm feeling right now. I just hope that you'll live your life happily. Find the right girl that you want (and please, please don't let her feel what I feel right now, please), and achieve your goal to be a dentist (if that's actually a real thing). Sorry that I couldn't be the girl that you want. I really hope we could still be friends but that will be so awkward for both of us hahaha. But anyway, thank you so much. For everything. By the wayyyyyyy, I still remember your birthday so um, Alles Gute zum Geburtstag im Voraus!

So um, I think I'll just end this here since I still have a pile of work to be done. Only a week left before submission and I'm extremely nervous. Wish me luck! Thank you so much for your time reading this and may you have a great day! <3