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Answer-less Questions

Hey there. It's me again.

In my last few days, my head was filled with all these questions that I can never answer. Some of it, I wish I won't find the answer. I've been asking myself...

"What are you gonna do with your life?"

"Is this what you've always wanted?"

"Is this the fate of your life?"

"Why are you still here?"

"Is it gonna get any better?"

"Don't you think you don't deserve this life?"

...and the list goes on. It's a total chaos inside. Ever seen a press conference with hundreds of reporters asking question to one man? Yeah I guess that's how it was inside. I don't understand. I really don't.

In my last few days, my thoughts was also full of all those abstraction that I do not wish to understand. Why? Because in the end, those ideas are just gonna consume my sanity. But NO. I cannot deny the fact that some part of me are dying for answers. You know, there's a void in me and it needs to be filled. But filled with what?

In my last few days, I kinda decided that I'm just gonna live with it. I gotta learn to live the fact that maybe there always things that we can't answer or understand. But time will help you to cope with things. I'm gonna lose my sanity? Then go on. Doesn't seem a matter to me anymore. I'm tired of looking for answers. If there's an answers to the questions, then good. If there isn't, let it be. I don't care anymore.

Sincerely,

Nabilah Badarudin

Sigh

 Hey there! :)

First of all, I hope everyone here ( if there's any) is in the pink of health. With this Covid situation, I know it's been tough especially for the breadwinners of the family. Hang in there guys, we'll get through this together. 

So for my life update, alhamdulillah I finally made it to the final semester. No words can describe how excited I am after everything I've been through! Pray for me guys, I really want to finish my diploma as soon as possible. I'm already tired of this lifeless life. 

So far, everything seems to be hard for me as we're currently on Online Distance Learning (ODL). I can't even go anywhere to properly do research for my final projects, not even to the nearest printing shop to scan my sketches, and most importantly, we're not allowed to go back to the campus, obviously. It's sad, really. Since it's my last semester; my last chance to enjoy my studio life, meeting lecturers and studio mates, and face-to-face critic sessions. But yeah, it is what it is. We gotta face everything we have, right?

As of now, I might be able to endure this. But I honestly don't know how long I will last though. Might even breakdown soon because I'm already starting to lose my shit hahaha. 

But anyway, I hope everything will be fine soon and we can all go back to our normal life. It might take a long time, but I hope we'll all get through this. 

Sincerely,

Nabilah Badarudin