Love of My Life

Hi there, Assalamualaikum :)

This is dedicated to my one and only love of  my life. I can't remember what happened when we first met but I knew, I love this person since day 1. Without this person, I will never be who I am today. Without this person, I wouldn't be as strong as I am now. I seriously owe a lot to this person and yet, there's nothing I could do to repay this person. 17 years, but not even a chance of repaying.

And now, this person has gone and I realised how I've been relying to this person this whole time. 4 years has passed, and I'm still as weak as before. I lost my world, I lost my everything. How do I continue living? How?

I miss the days when we used to talk together, walk together, and when I got sad, I would just run into this person's arms and cry. When I was happy, I would repeatedly told this person about my happiness.

I remember that one time, when I decided to start learning how to make Malay cake, Kuih Lapis. This person repeatedly told me that I was good at it. There are also times when this person came to my house just because this person wants to eat the cakes I made. This person said it's already her favourite.

Who is this person? My grandmother. She used to be my first babysitter, my mom, my bestfriend, my love, my everything. The world just turned dark when she's gone.

God knows how painful it is to remember every details of the nights I spent with her at the hospital. How I watched her suffering from the pain she had. How I was crying wishing her pain to go away. How she took my arms and asked me to sleep next to her and the next thing I knew, that her pain has gone, her suffer has ended.

But, she's gone with the pain, she walked away together with the warmth in her body. The moment when warmth slowly fades away from her hand that I hold, I knew she has successfully endured her pain. It's okay, you're free to go. I wouldn't mind.

The moment I'm writing this, I knew too damn well that she will never read this. But I just hope she knows how much I'm grateful to have her in my life. How thankful I am to know her. How I really wish she's here right now. How horrible my life is without her. But anyway, I have to accept this, That she's no longer here, that I have to learn to live without her, that I have to be strong.

I just hope you know that I'll always love you. Thank you for the 17 years that you have spent for me.

Yours,
Abel

Listen...

Hi there, Assalamualaikum :)

First thing first, Alhamdulillah, I've finally submitted my Gallery Design project. Well, things don't go as planned, but I made it anyway. Alhamdulillah. Bunch of thank you to my parents, who never stopped praying for me. To my best friends, who always convince me to do my best, and tried their best to help me from distance. You are irreplaceable. To everyone around me, who never stop encouraging me. You know who you are. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I don't know what I've done to deserve everyone, but I'm grateful for every good thing that ever happened in my life. Alhamdulillah.

So, last few days, a friend of mine came to me and confessed about everything that has been bothering her. How she was worried about her life, getting several anxiety attacks and even having suicidal thoughts. My heart broke when I heard that, honestly. Thank god, I managed to convince her to seek help. So off we go, I accompanied her to her counselling session yesterday. I tried my best to hold my tears as the session went. But it went well and she's about to be referred to a doctor soon.

You know what, I've been there. Just that I'm lucky enough because my condition wasn't as bad. That's why I kinda get the gist of what she's feeling. Plus the fact that I'm always the 'good listener', I've heard few more of my friends had almost the same experience as hers. Trust me, it breaks my heart every time. Sometimes, I feel bad because the only thing I could help was to listen to them, listen to their heart. But at the same time, I know too damn well the fact that I'm willing to listen has helped a lot. The satisfaction they got from pouring the beans is priceless. How do I know? I told you, I've been there. I still tried my best to help every possible way I could though. Like trying to solve the problem with them, or at least, convince them to seek help.

For everyone who reads this, listen. Please listen to the people around you. Always check on your 'strong' friends and if anyone ever put their trust towards you, please take care of it. Never even thought of breaking it. Because once the trust is broken, it will never be the same ever again.

To anyone who's hitting rock bottom right now, please fight it. You'll go through this and rise again. I believe, Allah will never give you something that you can't handle. I know you're strong enough to fight this painful phase of your life. Remember, you're not alone. I love you, so does everyone else. Be strong, you'll get there <3

Yours,

Abel.

A Big Fat Why

Hey there, Assalamualaikum. ;)

It's me again ahaha. So, in just 53 days, we'll reach 2020. Sometimes, I wonder why I'm still here. I mean, no one really into blogging anymore. Everyone would rather scroll their Instagram feeds, or tweets on Twitter. Blogging is so yesterday! So why am I here? Wouldn't it be better if I keep myself with the trend too?

But then I remember, I started to write as a therapy. Back then, I almost have no one to talk to. Including the fact that I don't have a really good relationship with my own family, made it even harder. Especially for a 13 years old girl? Dang, that was hard. I got used to bottling up my feelings too. That's why, even when I finally found someone to talk to, I found it hard to express my feelings.

As time passes by, I slowly developed my interest in writing. Well, nobody aced their first effort. But typically saying, "practice makes perfect". I used to read a lot of novels and slowly learn how to write a good 'cerpen' (short story). That was the only way to express my feelings back then. Every time I finished my stories, it feels like the burden I've been carrying has been lifted by the wind. Like a bird that finally freed from its cage. Well, I just somehow got some talent in writing, Alhamdulillah. My teacher eventually noticed my talent (because I would always go for cerpen during exams LOL) and keep on encouraging me to write. I even dreamed of publishing a novel.

However, as my skill reached the climax, I was enrolled in a local university. Well, you know how tough university life is. I barely got some time for myself, let alone writing? Dream on. I just kinda stopped writing since then. So this is me now, still writing but no longer writing cerpens. I do miss the time when I used to free my time to write, but now, I can only write in my free time. How pathetic. But it's okay, maybe I'll write again in the future? Who knows.

Well well, I guess that's it for tonight. Hope to see you again soon. Byeee!

One Step Ahead

Hey there, Assalamualaikum. :)

I'm back again. How ya doing? Hope everything went well for you. Remember how I struggled last semester? Alhamdulillah, I passed! Thank you so so so so so much for all your prayers. I couldn't be happier. With that being said, I'm officially getting into my 4th semester! Everything's a mess inside, happy, sad, nervous, they all kinda got stirred up very well inside. But anyway, I'm glad I finally made it.

It's already 2am as I'm writing this but I just feel like writing something here because...well guess I could say that this is my kind of therapy. Well well, to be honest, I'm in a massive mess right now. Yes I'm happy to finally be here but being here means I'm learning something new. After 2 years in the same progress, I could say I got comfortable being in my previous syllabus. I got too used of designing commercial designs, till it became too easy for me. Stepping one step ahead, means I'm learning new syllabus which is hospitality design. Trust me, it's a lot harder than I thought it was. That's why I'm here, because I'm in a mess that I created myself.

As I'm struggling with the thoughts that's flooding my mind, I thought of this song by this one Japanese band called Sekai No Owari. It's サザンカ (Sasanqua). I love how the lyrics actually suits my current situation and going through the lyrics actually motivates me and convinced me that there are always hope for everyone. In case you are feeling down as well, I would really recommend you to listen to this song and their other songs too! Because each of their song holds a very beautiful meaning.

One last thing before I go, I would really appreciate it if you could wish for the best for my 4th semester because apparently, I don't plan to repeat anything again ahahaha! And of course, so that I could go for my practical the next semester. Guess that's it for today. I'll leave you with the translation of the chorus part from Sasanqua, hoping you'll be motivated too. Abel signing off! Byeee

To you  who is chasing your dreams,

Remember, if you were stumble along the way,

I think the main character of a story is the one who gets laughed at,

Not the one who laughs at others