Love of My Life

Hi there, Assalamualaikum :)

This is dedicated to my one and only love of  my life. I can't remember what happened when we first met but I knew, I love this person since day 1. Without this person, I will never be who I am today. Without this person, I wouldn't be as strong as I am now. I seriously owe a lot to this person and yet, there's nothing I could do to repay this person. 17 years, but not even a chance of repaying.

And now, this person has gone and I realised how I've been relying to this person this whole time. 4 years has passed, and I'm still as weak as before. I lost my world, I lost my everything. How do I continue living? How?

I miss the days when we used to talk together, walk together, and when I got sad, I would just run into this person's arms and cry. When I was happy, I would repeatedly told this person about my happiness.

I remember that one time, when I decided to start learning how to make Malay cake, Kuih Lapis. This person repeatedly told me that I was good at it. There are also times when this person came to my house just because this person wants to eat the cakes I made. This person said it's already her favourite.

Who is this person? My grandmother. She used to be my first babysitter, my mom, my bestfriend, my love, my everything. The world just turned dark when she's gone.

God knows how painful it is to remember every details of the nights I spent with her at the hospital. How I watched her suffering from the pain she had. How I was crying wishing her pain to go away. How she took my arms and asked me to sleep next to her and the next thing I knew, that her pain has gone, her suffer has ended.

But, she's gone with the pain, she walked away together with the warmth in her body. The moment when warmth slowly fades away from her hand that I hold, I knew she has successfully endured her pain. It's okay, you're free to go. I wouldn't mind.

The moment I'm writing this, I knew too damn well that she will never read this. But I just hope she knows how much I'm grateful to have her in my life. How thankful I am to know her. How I really wish she's here right now. How horrible my life is without her. But anyway, I have to accept this, That she's no longer here, that I have to learn to live without her, that I have to be strong.

I just hope you know that I'll always love you. Thank you for the 17 years that you have spent for me.

Yours,
Abel