Hey there, it's me again.
So um, there's a little bit more I would like to tell you about my year. Honestly, it was a bad year. I remember 2018 was the year where I kinda lost everything. My life was a total mess. Then 2019 came, I surprisingly improved a lot. I managed to boost my self-esteem as well as my emotional health was a lot better. I was happy. Sometimes still getting anxiety attacks but I was feeling contented at least. I even went through 2 breakups in the same year. Yet I was great. I meant I was doing decently.
Unfortunately, 2020 refused to treat me as pleasant as 2019 did. I am slowly losing myself again, my confidence went way down, even lower than before. I deactivated my social media for god knows how many times. I no longer have the feel to actually hang out with people unless my closest ones. Not to mention my mental health as well. It was all horrible. All those suicidal thoughts kept flooding in. All those voices kept telling me how unworthy, useless, stupid I am. The best part is, those voices haven't stopped yet. They're even making a lot of noises in my head as I'm typing this right now.
So here am I, broken, very insecure, feeling worthless, a disappointment, no self-esteem at all, etc. I don't even know what I'm gonna do or what will happen to me in the following year. But I hope I will find myself again.
Maybe it doesn't sound important to you, but they're at least important to me. I don't even know what to do, what to aim for, what to say. Nothing, I literally don't know a single thing about what to do with my life. That's why I really hope to find myself again. Find my strength back. I want my decent life back. There's nothing more I can ask for.
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