Hey there. It's me again.
In my last few days, my head was filled with all these questions that I can never answer. Some of it, I wish I won't find the answer. I've been asking myself...
"What are you gonna do with your life?"
"Is this what you've always wanted?"
"Is this the fate of your life?"
"Why are you still here?"
"Is it gonna get any better?"
"Don't you think you don't deserve this life?"
...and the list goes on. It's a total chaos inside. Ever seen a press conference with hundreds of reporters asking question to one man? Yeah I guess that's how it was inside. I don't understand. I really don't.
In my last few days, my thoughts was also full of all those abstraction that I do not wish to understand. Why? Because in the end, those ideas are just gonna consume my sanity. But NO. I cannot deny the fact that some part of me are dying for answers. You know, there's a void in me and it needs to be filled. But filled with what?
In my last few days, I kinda decided that I'm just gonna live with it. I gotta learn to live the fact that maybe there always things that we can't answer or understand. But time will help you to cope with things. I'm gonna lose my sanity? Then go on. Doesn't seem a matter to me anymore. I'm tired of looking for answers. If there's an answers to the questions, then good. If there isn't, let it be. I don't care anymore.
Sincerely,
Nabilah Badarudin
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