To you whom I dear most

Hey there, what's good? Me? Yeah, I'm fine. Finally done with my studies and successfully landed on a job (after 6 long months of searching). But, this post isn't about me. We'll get to that later shall we?

This post goes to the most amazing person I have ever known. Someone who holds the positive energy for me. Someone who saw me went through my worst. Someone who has been with me thru my darkest time when I was being bullied. Someone I dear the most.

Dear friend,

I remember the first time we met. It was a decade ago but I still clearly do. I just realised I never properly thank you for breaking the ice for me, considering how timid of a person I was. Hey, if it wasn't for you, we might've been a stranger today. Thank you!

I remember all those little journeys we went through together. The time we would talk about our crushes. The time we would just be next to each other while reading mangas. Those little memories are the colours of my dull boring life. Those little colours are also the medicine to my pains. Thank you!

Hey, you remember when we first started with this blog? It was all of you who helped me with this blog. Ah, time sure flies. But here we are today, this blog still exists and we are still a thing. Which was why I decided to write this to you here instead of some other media. This blog is a special memento of you for me. It's like our special spot to hang out.

Dear bestie,

We might not have spent as much time as other best friends do. We might have never been on a vacation together or we might never even have gone on a manicure date together. But the limited time we have spent with each other really means a lot to me. Every second we spent together was always worth it.

Our recent catch-up sessions really remind me of the good old times. That day we went to karaoke, that day we go to Watsons, the dinners we ate together even went to Pantai Remis on a dark rainy night. They may seem like they're nothing but trust me, they're all so precious. I'm really glad I'm back here again and managed to replace almost all the times we have missed to spend together.

Dear Yuuki,

We have been through a lot. 10 years passed by and we both grew to be a totally different person yet the connection, the chemistry was still as strong. I still can't believe the fact that you are stepping to another level real soon! Every day I woke up and thought "Damn, is this thing really happening?" But yeah, every time I asked, I already know the answer regardless. Even if it's not now, it will still gonna happen sooner or later. 

Hey, I am truly thankful for your existence in my life. You're the spices to my dishes, and colours to my artworks. Can't imagine how bland my dishes will be or how dull my artworks are without you being there. I am really glad that you were made to be who and where you are today. I may not be in your darkest time, or I may not know your unspoken struggles that much. But I do know who you were when you first started learning about life. I can assure you how many improvements you had achieved and I am very proud of you. As the French say, Je suis très fière de toi!

Dear Hafizah,

In less than 40 hours, you are officially a wife. To see where you are heading today is like a dream come true. It's one of the moments that I have always dreamt of. I am beyond happy that you finally get to be reunited with the love of your life. May your life be as joyful and magical as the love and bond that you two share! Wishing you a happy and prosperous married life ahead. 

p/s: To the groom-to-be

I hope you take really really good care of her. You might love her more than I love her but I am not kidding if I ever find out that you hurt her, you might end with only one arm. LOL. Dude, I really ain't kidding. 

Selamat pengantin baru, love birds! 

 Am I an attention freak now? 

Honestly,

 sometimes I wish we never met

2021 - Prologue II

 Hey there, it's me again.

So um, there's a little bit more I would like to tell you about my year. Honestly, it was a bad year. I remember 2018 was the year where I kinda lost everything. My life was a total mess. Then 2019 came, I surprisingly improved a lot. I managed to boost my self-esteem as well as my emotional health was a lot better. I was happy. Sometimes still getting anxiety attacks but I was feeling contented at least. I even went through 2 breakups in the same year. Yet I was great. I meant I was doing decently.

Unfortunately, 2020 refused to treat me as pleasant as 2019 did. I am slowly losing myself again, my confidence went way down, even lower than before. I deactivated my social media for god knows how many times. I no longer have the feel to actually hang out with people unless my closest ones. Not to mention my mental health as well. It was all horrible. All those suicidal thoughts kept flooding in. All those voices kept telling me how unworthy, useless, stupid I am. The best part is, those voices haven't stopped yet. They're even making a lot of noises in my head as I'm typing this right now. 

So here am I, broken, very insecure, feeling worthless, a disappointment, no self-esteem at all, etc. I don't even know what I'm gonna do or what will happen to me in the following year. But I hope I will find myself again. 

Maybe it doesn't sound important to you, but they're at least important to me. I don't even know what to do, what to aim for, what to say. Nothing, I literally don't know a single thing about what to do with my life. That's why I really hope to find myself again. Find my strength back. I want my decent life back. There's nothing more I can ask for. 

2021 - Prologue

Hey there, it's me again.

I know my posts lately have been sounding more and more negative by time. But yeah, I guess y'all know the fact that this is the only place I decided to become myself. Where I speak the unspoken words. 

This was how I started my 2020. I remember this was taken right before my final exam started. I was probably still struggling to finish my 4th semester's final project; hotel design. Judging from those thicc eyebags I had, I was obviously tired, fatigued, and lost (?) lol. 

And this is how I end my 2020, taken a few days ago. Probably around 15-20kgs heavier hahaha. I remember this year had taken a lot from me. My sanity, my emotions, my physical, are all seriously tested. I am currently struggling with my final year project. Which has caused several major burnouts in the past few months. 

2020 has been a roller coaster ride of mess. One time it was just a tiny mess, and another time a huge one. It is tiring indeed. But yeah, we had no choice but to endure it all. Looking back at all the struggles I faced, I'm kinda glad that I went through it all. Remembering all the pains I've been through, I am proud to say that I was strong enough to face all those pains. 

2021 will be the year that I finally end my diploma life that took a lot longer than everyone else's. I hope to start my career soon and build a new life for myself. I have a few goals to accomplish, but I'm planning to keep em just for myself for now.

I wish everyone a good year. May your every wish and journeys run smoothly as planned. 2020 has taken a toll on everyone. Let the new year watch us rebuild our lives to better ones, Insya Allah.

Have a good day y'all

Love, Abel